Gaining Maturity= Gaining Progress?

There are days when I could listen to Koa babble incoherently for minutes at a time and think, "Okay, he's definitely telling me something, unfortunately its just un-decipherable!" Sometimes I even have to laugh to myself and think that Koa's come up with his own language that's somewhat of a cross of English, Vietnamese, Filipino and Hawaiian... because really, its just that jumbled. Then there are days where Koa will respond so quickly and so well with his therapy that I think, "Well here we go!! We're making strides!!"

Koa works hard, no doubt. But Koa is still a baby by a technical standpoint. He's definitely still learning to self-regulate, having these outrageous tantrums, cries at the slightest head shake "no" from me or Daddy, but still will look to us for attachment and non abandonment. Case in point... he's still only 2. A part of me realizes, Koa is definitely growing up, definitely figuring out a lot of things out on his own, and DEFINITELY testing to see how the world works.

As much as we know that Koa has a disorder, we do our absolute best to make sure that not only does he get pigeon holed into this society, but we want to show him that while he's special in his own way, he doesn't get special treatment (i.e. getting away with murder) because of it.

One of the things that I have slowly been trying to do is show Koa that Mommy is always here for you; you may not see me, or Mommy may have to leave you temporarily, but I will always come back to you. Every speech session Koa, Malia AND I will trek it into his SLP's office for his 30 minute session. And each time I see that Malia is a HUGE distraction for Koa. And yes, even I am a distraction to him as well. Being a former preschool teacher, I know that kids always behave differently when parents are not around; my son, no exception. At Lucid, a majority of the kids go in to their session by themselves, yes even toddlers, just because they get more work done. We've been trying that each session with Koa, but each time he refuses and clings to my hand that much more. Its hard, and very heartbreaking. I want my son to get the most out of his sessions with his SLP, Miss Amber and I know that mine and Malia's presence is really a detriment to him.

For the past few months we've been trying a little bit of him on his own, testing to see how far he can go before he starts screaming for "Mama." Today, was a miracle. Okay, not really a miracle, but clear progress. Miss Amber opens the lobby door and says her usual, "Koa, come play with me!" Koa of course goes, but waits for me. If he sees that I'm not following him, he then shakes his head no, and then wedges himself into a chair where he can't come out. *SIGH* So I do my usual, take his hand and walk him into Miss Amber's office. Luckily Malia had started to walk out at that moment, so I tell him, "Ko-ey, Mama's going to go get Sissy real quick, I'll just be outside." To which Miss Amber closes the door.

Malia and I walk into the lobby and I brace myself. 2 minutes pass and I hear nothing. 5 minutes and still nothing. I pick up a book to read to Malia. Now 10 minutes has passed by this time and still no sound coming from down the hall, no Miss Amber coming into the lobby with a crying Koa. By this time 15 minutes have passed and I settle in just a bit. Read: my knuckles are no longer clenched white and I am now sitting back in my seat. :) 23 minutes now pass and a mom whose children have consistently had speech the same time as Koa looks at me and says, "Wow! This is the longest he's gone ever!" I'm thinking she's sensing I'm on the verge of tears and wants to comfort me. Then I hear on the other side of the waiting room door, "Say 'O-pa." "Pa." "One more try... 'Ohhh- Pah!" And then a loud "PAAAAA!!" And out comes Koa, tears in his eyes, but not crying or sobbing.

He MADE IT THROUGH THE FULL 30 MINUTE SESSION. I can't believe it. And just like I thought, he did excellent work. He did a whole bunch of sounds and even showed off his new word for Miss Amber- "ME!" My little boy is starting to grow up. He saw that while he was away from me, I was there waiting for him. Waiting to shower him with praise and hugs, kisses and high- fives. My heart aches for how much Koa accomplished today, and I can't wait to see how much more he will achieve.

When we got home, I video taped a few minutes of him trying to show off his new word "Me!" He's still camera shy, but he gets it a few times!